In my experience It would seem everyone that I’ve come across has some type of secret, someone tells another something in confidence and therefore it becomes a pact or deal of some type between the two and they call that a secret or at least my own personal definition, however we also have our own secrets the ones we never tell anyone about…..the ones we keep hidden dark and deep and inside of us. There is a purpose why some of us keep secrets to ourselves but why….. why do we keep some things hidden from everyone?
A feeling so singular
A despair that numbs
No one around you
No where for them to come
Much less would you run if they did
Who can you trust
In this life you have to have one
At least they say it’s a must
Don’t believe them
A home that is lost
Friends walk away
Seems in this life
Nothing will stay
Able to just think
Into the pits of ominous clouds
Thoughts of a past screams out loud
People who loved you
All I can feel
Is completely inept
A fear that grips
A suffering so real
That all you have left
Is no way to feel
You’re my Micky to my Malorey
I’m the Bonnie to your Clyde
Jump in the car my love lets ride ride ride,,,,,,,
Going 100 miles an hour with you by my side
Nothing can stop us now
Take what we want
Do or die
Till the end
Humor me my love
Even if you lie
I’d rather not be living
If all I’ll do is cry~
Drowning in your watered down words~in the sea of suspicions and doubt~
Stunned by your actions your lack of regard reverberates … Breaking sound barriers~
Best let it rest, no it’s not a test, most walked away its was for the best~
My illness is amplified by stress and assholes~
The very stress that assholes like you cause~
Separating myself from this realm
Of reality and dynamics shifting
On a ocean-less drift of emotion~
Cut paper thin then ripped from my personal thoughts not to be written yet spoken~
All that ever was now is broken, is that your beautiful trinket the parts of me you’ve stolen?~
I want it back, I intend to retrieve all you’ve taken I pray now I’ll receive and retrieve… at this particular time of my life it’s time to leave~
If I ever return I’ll know next time not to get burned… In the past trust I had to learn~
In bowels of deceit you were born
As dynamics fluctuate
Blood runs through
Veins yet…. no heart
A strange life
Life not meant for here
Life force with out life
Abandoned me, it’s ‘s what you do~
My voice will haunt you because I loved you~
Out the window stare
Trees leaves glistening
Sunlight dances upon them
Love has forsaken me
But Angels prevail
Breathing and whispering
Weeping for my numb
Trying to ignite my flame of life
To save me all the strife
The flames falls….. falling over
The precipice….in my heart has a steep drop
Flames burn out as they fall downward into the body, the shell of who I was
I am no longer
My life half there
Can kiss my ass
I’ll chose when or if
I decide to leave or stay
Best get on knees
Memories don’t dissipate
What have you done
Because! …love no more
John Keats” there is no happy love
More happy happy love”
Nazareth” Love hurts
Love wounds and marks
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain
You had the the truth in the lyrics
Music can express
Art can express
But you’ll never again have Enough to impress
What does it take?
What it takes you don’t have,or was it Me, I didn’t …..all so complicated you see~
The accountability collector called, said its time to pay your bill it’s long past due~
And if I planned my exit, like long ago, would you leave rocks in my mailbox after midnight, While I take refuge in the safety of my room?
And would you weep? Would tears fall? Upon that grand exit.. Upon the great fall. Rocks in the mailbox after midnight is all….
I held your hand .. You extended it back. I wept at my stupidity you watched with curiosity. “What should I do?” That’s what I asked you.
Tapping your finger against your chin… “Hmmm”…was your response… “Lets see” and you looked down from my bed and stared blankly at me.
In the distance we heard the door close.. Our eyes they did meet, as we listened to heavy footsteps of the monster with whom I did sleep.
As accusation were spewed out the mouth of this man. And in my mind i can hear my heart cry….I don’t think I can take no more, I don’t think that I can. Not here, not with this man.
But he wouldn’t shut up, bulging eyes did he have… Looking like someone stark raving mad. But you kindly got up and followed him out…. Down those stairs to the floor down below, to fill your head with thoughts yet to know.
I stayed there in silence on the floor of my room. For he would not let me rest, no rest.. Antagonizing me.. Curses. Several hours later you left.
Sadly You left.
But come night…yes at midnight you see you gathered a rock maybe two maybe three. Must have been midnight. I could sense you. Yes I could feel you….
And I wonder as I sit here, sit here year after year.. If I found that exit I so often seek, I’ll leave no one here for my voice to speak. Will you find out? And when you do, will you weep ? Will my face haunt you in your sleep? And will rocks be left in the mailbox after midnight for the memory you will keep…even my door step….lay by my feet…or would you beg instead because my words ring in your head all those things you never ever said…..
……And would you weep? Would tears fall? Upon that grand exit.. Upon the great fall. Rocks in the mailbox after midnight is all….