There are two modes of bipolar 1, as well as bipolar 2. In fact in all bipolar diagnosis you have two modes. Some of the bipolar labels have mixed modes which means being hypo manic and depressed at the same time.
Words pour out spinning in my mind
Trying to get the filth off
Within and without
Mind filled with sickening doubt
Walking in circles
Looking for miracles
None have yet manifested
Deception braking connection
Indifference is contagious
Contagious and you’re attitude
Fighting the urge
To reach out
Only to be sickened
Your Atoms and neutrons
Electrons spin in swirl
Protons completely out of this world
Mixing within me
I can see
Sickened by your previous deception
To your evil heart vicious
And I’ll always be suspicious
Of why you chose me
Was your vision clouded?
What? You couldn’t see
What a beautiful heart beneath this flesh beating barely in my chest…….
Stop! I’m not returning!
I’m purging you out
I stay pure
Holding this life together
Because you tore it apart
I’ll purge all the urge
To never get close to you again~
Not for Reproduction~
Routine is a mundane thing which can dull the grandest thing~
Hollow space where my heart did beat~
Memories flood but are mopped up quickly as to not leave a mess in the mind~
Words spoken can never be taken back, but can be twisted and sticky like taffy~
Relentless offense of a person she helped, held up in times of his need even married, but he kicks her as to crush her, to beat into submission~
Yet again she rises out of nothing higher, stronger, determined~
Battles fought given up to bigger things of God and men~
She often sits procrastinating, negating, this experience surreal almost fascinating~
Those thoughts that hang in the corners of the mind are chipping and torn like old wall paper that needs to be removed~
A longing, so long, that the word closure can not touch that which has been sought from long ago not just one closure but many, many doors need shutting~
Forever to be locked~
A love, one she would die for is the love of her son~
Yet another love she has lived with silently that can’t come undone… She often wonders is he the one? Was she hunted by him in a cyber like game, somehow it seems she was then his to claim~
Boldness, brazen and fearless yet
quickly brought to her knees when faced by each day~
Leaving no room to reflect and pray~
Nasty dirty towels seem to cover her path~
Her feet swollen bloodied by all the broken glass~
A single word, to describe all the pain, the word that causes tears to fall like rain~
Abandonment thats how it feels~
That’s the one word that always yields the fear and rejection of loves long dead, only memories now that live in her head~
It’s description so hollow and missing so much, the love, support, the long for a touch, that hand to hold onto, arms that are strong, she wonders each day just how long~
Will abandonment leave?
It hasn’t thus far, as far back as she thinks its the thickest of scar
She wears it like a badge~
Covers her soul~
Others quick to judge her know not of the truth, because abandonment started long ago in her youth~
You’re my Micky to my Malorey
I’m the Bonnie to your Clyde
Jump in the car my love lets ride ride ride,,,,,,,
Going 100 miles an hour with you by my side
Nothing can stop us now
Take what we want
Do or die
Till the end
Humor me my love
Even if you lie
I’d rather not be living
If all I’ll do is cry~
I want someone to love, to love me as I love them.I want someone passionate for me forever,now and way beyond the end. I want to breath the air they breath. I want someone who’s touch sends electricity through my body and up my spine, gives me goose bumps from the thoughts of what we do alone behind closed doors, Is it asking to much for them to feel the same maybe even more? I am not up for anymore games…..
I want to feel the adrenaline rush, I’m sure they do too…especially when the adrenaline rush is made by me and hopefully you(whoever you are)
I want a key you see made exactly to fit into you and you into me. Lacking in nothing complete oh so sweet, so cunning yet Devine the love we can make for the rest of time. I want someone to be like rolling thunder and crashing waves against me and my skin ….their skin….Us between the sheets,outside the sheets, I want to roll and crash and ride the waves with them. I want to experience something beautiful and unknown together. Shared with no other.I want someone to make me feel safe in their arms to feel safe from all harm.
I want them to feel safe with me and know I would walk to hell and back if I had too just for them to see.
I want someone who will not lie to me or hide things from me and Who will not be a drunk.
I don’t want to lie to them either don’t want no reason too. All emotional drama and junk be gone from my life, don’t need the discord don’t need the strife.
I want someone to hold my hand. I want to hold their hand too…….. until we are old until we leave this earth.
I want someone who won’t leave me,to believe in me, believe in my worth, as I will do for them.I want someone who will honor and respect me till the end. An ever burning fire, I want a relationship that won’t expire…..
I won’t ever leave them. Even in the after life and beyond we will dance that cosmic dance…..with my best friend my lover my heart.
This is what I want. This is where it starts….Now the standard I’ve set perhaps makes it a possible fact that you don’t exist that’s why we never met, maybe I’ve said all this because I don’t believe you exist, if you don’t exist then I can’t get hurt, and to me that’s smart, I’ll live trying to hold on to what’s left of my heart.
However………. the fact of the matter is not settling for nothing less , nothing less than best. To be clear without fear I often wonder if you are very near…. or perhaps you’re so far away and today is not the day it may be another….. well
I want someone that’s the total package too, as I’m sure you want that as well.
Tell me Is that someone you?
If it is I have waited my whole life for you as you have for me.
May our love be forever may we always be, happy, healthy, prosperous loving and free. Never wanting , always fulfilled.
To bad you can’t get this in a pill.
Not For Reproduction ~
The most important things are the hardest to say~With that my soul is shattered…..Out of all things in life I’ve lost my mind is the one thing I miss the most…. so go
Catch my thoughts in between a hazy morning and a rainy afternoon~clouds are optional~ storms inevitable but most interesting indeed~given in to thoughts you now feed~oh how I’ve searched for the lost places my entire life, places where dreams drip over waterfalls…And spectacular colors
To catch the spectrum
Prisms with possibilities
A place to be home
Be with me
Wear your sin
Upon my skin
Laced around the words
That I breathe in~forever floating together in the middle of the ocean………
Lost into one another
Yet so far away~
I helped you Die those little deaths In your sorry existence
I gave you songs.
When you had no tunes left in you
I started to see the fire in your belly
And the steel running down your back
You were the most fearsome thing that ever lived
I know I breathed the life into you
I’m the one who awakened you However you started the fire
Now you must sleep
Embrace those little deaths
As a reminder of
In you alive For Eternity~
Not for Reproduction~