Look at history, Mans inhumanity to man proves the very nature of mankind is defective~NJM~
Category Archives: History
~If You Wore my Shoes to Anyone who Caused harm to me or my Son~
My shoes carry me through the world
I see you lost grasping for air sucking up my space
You feed upon yourself remaining transfixed upon the life spent feeding the masses dreams denying yourself all the while in the spotlight and you should walk in my shoes
The road ahead it’s a curve with a caution light flashing My shoes are worn but…………….
There is rest area ahead but I’m not tired
These shoes allow me to get to my destination, these shoes know the way, there on my feet and that’s where they’ll stay
I’m the lioness pacing fiercely beyond your shallow walls, and one sided dreams
Razor sharp precision is scarce compared to the cutting claws that scrape away all your defenses
As evil as bat in a dark cave when cornered, the demon that lives tucked in the back of your mind
The cold breeze that sends chills up your spine
The leopard on high alert in a dare like stance protecting her cubs
The stillness you’ve yet to experience, the turmoil that you long to touch
The angelic comfort sought in times of trouble, yielding strength that you are deprived of
The voice that will never stop speaking, the one whose words will live on long after I’m gone
The torn soul pieces strewn about. With the ability to sustain peace within any storm
The threads, the shriveled up shredded threads that somehow work, and hold the fabrics of my life
I rise like a phoenix and…….
Gracefully Will I pass you by, peacefully I’ll look into your eye and you will then know you’ve stood in my shoes~
~Views of God And Lacking Conviction~
Had a conversation not long ago with a dear friend I met via Quora, we have talked a bit through emails.
He was once a Christian, he now has abandoned his faith for the choice of being an Atheist.
We none the less still communicate… Not as often lately but none the less he has made a positive impact upon me, and although we have had some deep, deep discussion on things of spiritual nature, God, the lack thereof, we always walk away knowing we will be close although our views of God are different. With him being the lack of a God, with me believing in God. It’s a touchy subject you see, religious, political, racial, sexualpreference…poverty.. You get the picture. I’m am not gonna tag him, he will know when he reads this.. That it was my answer to a debate or conversation of sorts about why I believe in God. He sent a photo one day via email as part of an unfinished conversation the following words you will read was my response to the photo and what was(We finally To Just Agree toDisagree) our on going philosophical discussion of things such as atheism, theism, monotheism, pandiabolism( Fredrick Neitzsche actual stance was pandiabolism) Sorry I don’t have photo
Yes, I see that, and what I’ll say is there will always be what you see above in those pictures, as long as you reside on this earth.This earth is governed by the law of free will. You are aware of this? I’m certain you are. Do you understand the law? That I’m not sure. You want to believe that God does not exist. I understand this, however I also see a conflict in you ,a reflection so to speak. You want others to validate your belief. Why? Because if morepeople share your belief it makes it real for you. That’s fine. As long as we are here in this realm, on this earth, we will continue to see pain and suffering. God will not intervene where he has given men charge. This earth was given over to humans long ago. The challenge with the above picture is for those same men to rise up and use the power of will, the power God gave to change the above picture. This of course will never happen on earth, why? Because our conversation is a pure example. We can’t agree.Because there is not a firm and positive agreement, and never has been, therefore conflict, strife, discord, suffering and pain, will all exist… That is as long as humans are left to there own devices, to govern their own will. Which God did do. Change for the above photo will only occur if everyone agrees… Which will not happen, as previously stated. Life is not a one size fits all. If it were, it would be boring, if we never knew suffering, then we could never understand the beauty and joy, vice versa. I’m always gonna have a rebuttal as you will too, why? Because as I beautifully stated… We won’t agree. That’s the sadness of it all.
But it is life here on earth. It is what it is. Accept it or don’t. It’s all down to a choice, a view.
~My Grave~NjM~So True~Who?
So if my grave is dug and they lay me to rest will you be the first to shovel the earth upon my body after my death?
~Please Read~
I first want to thank you all my WordPress follows, my success depends greatly on you and the content I produce. Think of me as a news reporter difference is I report on breaking stigma on mental illness , and I report incidents I feel others can learn from that I have had happen to me. So I am a writer blogger, personal,reporter.
Next……. yesterday my perpetrator left comments on my post trying to threaten me and so forth and his games are old now I pray I always stay two steps ahead of him.
What I say is if you don’t like what I write or the subject of what I write about, don’t read my blog. It bares repeating If YOU DON’T LIKE MY BLOG DON’T VISIT IT NOR READ IT or COMMENTj (I will just trash it) It’s my site and my freedom of speech.
To all my supporters thank you for your prayers and positive energy thank you for reading And hearing me, and definitely for following..
~NJM~
~She Fell~New~
She fell
Life was hell
Running like mad
Circles
Sad
Scorn
Shame
Was it a game
Her mind not the same
She fell
Tripped over foot
Zig zag she skipped
Trying to flip
Take her hurt
Burry in dirt
She is touched
The unseen realm
Angels
Demons
Lurk
Whispers of a time
That left
Return once again
To guide her
She fell
And Angels pick her up
Making the atmosphere
Thick
Surreal
She fell to her knees
Begging the Lord
Please
She Fell
But life no longer will be hell
She got up
Stood strong
Long
Waited
Like a missile
Shooting star
Coming straight for you
No matter how far
Targets
What you are?
What are you?
Or
Wait didn’t she fall
She fell
From a life on earth
From the living hell
She listened she prayed
Was picked plucked
You imagine the next line
It’s yours to fill in
Watch now your face if it turns to a grin
Sin
If you feel her longing her strength
The power she was given to go any length
After all
She fell
Tore through Hell
Lives in the truth
Hates all the lies
Conditions
Red tape
How did the world get so
Out of shape
No wonder……
Not for reproduction~
~I’ll Always be~Mystery….My words…I did not put this here~
I’ll always be wanting the unrequited love~
I’ll always be the piece that don’t fit~
I’ll always be looking for that character defect to see, if it exist in you then it also exist in me~
I’ll always hurry with no place to rest~
I’ll always be able to run with the best~
I’ll always be watching, looking. But I will not settle.
Perhaps my soul is turning into metal. Heart made of steal, maybe baby I’m to damn real.
I’ll always will believe there is a God~
I’ll always have illness of the mind this makes it hard to find my kind~
I’ll always fall into dick sand if I’m not watchful of intent. Where the hell this one went~
I’ll always try to discipline my self in ways many won’t understand~
I’ll remain celibate and untouched even by me till I find that man~
I’ll buy a beach shack if he never shows up, pour my coffee in my cup work on my Novels and be married to Neptune king of the sea, on the shoreline walking that’s where I’ll always be~
~Retribution~ great read!
Often you hear that Karma is a bitch, that they’ll get theirs. “Who gives them the bill?” I asked in prayer one day, hear is what I heard God say “you don’t need to do nothing, most of the time I do it for you, but there are times I give you the strength for you to see it through.”I decide when and who you collect the bill, unless I tell you to then best stay still. ” so I am the instrument you use sometimes I get the ideas from you the Devine? Yes my child that is correct and don’t for get what to collect and always remember we don’t take checks”
I laughed out loud when I heard this at first God has a sense of humor I thought as I continued to pray, then I heard when the time comes you will know who must pay, I don’t allow much of this type of collection to be done but for some my child that day will come don’t deviate from my plan as I will use you for retribution with my Devine hand~NJM~
Not for Reproduction~
Small excerpt upcoming book ~1017 Cypress Street~piece from Chapter 3~Secret Places~this post was hacked!
Eyes dilated,that tacky icky feeling churned in her stomach just as the rain and wind blew outside the window all Of which were remnants of the hurricane Katrina… Similar to her own life and that feeling that damn feeling you know the one…. “The bottom will fall out at any minute” kind of feeling she lived with that feeling always tucked in corners of her mind, waiting to torment her just as this storms moving slow so did her thoughts , and like a drop of water that taps the sink in the back ground….. Her thoughts drifted in the back of her mind she thought I should be calling around to find her brothers, which by the way she felt very off putting trying to do so. Instead She let her thoughts drift to a time in her childhood where she was in love with her cousin Nicoli. Wherever Nicoli was Noel was right by him. She wanted him, his approval and attention so much, she would do about anything he asked of her. They grew up together, saw each other every weekend when her Dad picked her up for his weekend visits with her. Her thoughts began to drift off to when she was 7and her cousin was 12. Looking back oh so far back She now realized that he used her and her innocence for his curiosity.
She let him brush her hair. He loved her hair. Then we have the magazines she would smuggle to her cousins house from her Dad’s house each weekend. Penthouse and Playboy.
Nicoli and Josh , (Josh was Nicoli’s younger brother and Noels other unfavorable cousin,) they couldn’t wait for her arrival since She carried the contraband they had no worries. Her Dad had so many magazines 20 missing wouldn’t be noticed.
Nicoli wanted to know about what he saw in these playboy magazine so
who fucked with this damn post either Will or will or someone who is close stop hacking the blog or wake up the damn witch in me. You know I need no technology to reach you now don’t we? You would know more than anyone.
~The Non Traditional Christian & Being Bipolar~NJM~
I used to use twitter a lot. The above tweet is one dear to me, and although it may have not received attention as others tweets, it is a true statement about the perils of Bipolar disorder.
Lately I write a bit less, and with that I notice less “Likes” on my post. I get lots of “shares” but no one I follow seems to be touched by my words. Not touched enough to “like”or moved enough to comment.
I wrote about courage recently and one other person like it, it was shared among facebook 4 times. Guess what? I don’t care. It’s not about the “likes” or even the shares. It’s about my expression of feelings that I feel I need to convey. It’s about courage. If someone gets something from it, then my work is done. If no one gets nothing from it, my work is still done. Why, you ask? Because I received something from it. I purged a thought, feeling, or a need to express. I found courage to write. To share.
Sure my prayer is to inspire, to teach, to eventually become a great writer, a best-selling author. Sure I am also an unorthodox oxymoron as well. A contradictions of sorts. Does the bible not indeed contradict as well? Yes. Indeed it does. Why? It’s left open to interpretation that is why.
I am the church, not a building. I don’t fellowship in a brick and mortar tower that cost millions to build. No. I fellowship with those I see daily at work. I try to encourage and lead by example, to wish everyone a blessed day. Should we all be as fortunate? indeed.
I have a calling on my life, I knew this while serving a year in jail at age 19. I just was not sure what it was. I did at one time have the ability to give prophecy. I lost that as time went by. I see bits and pieces still, but only when I draw near to God. I often fall short in that category. But I get up and try again. Never stop trying.
I am non traditional. Never wanted to be like what I had been exposed to. However, I fell short at times. Fitting in seems important at certain stages of life, so we compromise our true nature that God instilled in us to fit in.
Some would say ” if God exist why does so much bad happen? why are you bipolar, so on so forth…
I’ve examined this many times. There is a passage in the bible that states that many mysteries are yet to be revealed. That we have not the mind of God therefore we know not what God knows. What I will say is these two words “Free Will” it was ours the moment we entered this world. Our will is powerful if we use it. The problem is many use their will for exploiting and hurting others. The weaker minds allow for this to happen, and then bad things happen.
You may say then “What of illness, disease? Again I have no exact answer. What I can say, is some of the greatest and inspiring stories are about those who are ill. I am ill. My son is ill, he has type 1 diabetes and Aspergers. Wow he is a testimony of taking his illness and turning it into testimony. He made honor roll recently. He is in 6th grade. He is part of my personal testimony, for he is my son. Train up a child in the way they should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. {Proverbs 22:6}
My God, I can’t believe that I was basically married at his age. Yes, you heard me. I married 48 days after I turned 14. I had just turned 14!!! Who would allow such in a modern society, abuse and illness from my Mother propelled me to such. To much degree all are ill. I don’t hide my illness. I am open so that others may learn from my experience.
Think of me as a generic Christian my set of values and standards may be different from yours, but we are all indeed human. We can go further in our future as a race and our beliefs if we begin to look at each other as another “human” and be that. A human being.
Our imagination has a myriad of possibilities we project which eventually molds our future possibilities which lay before each of us.
In order to make a difference we must engage our conscious to the voice of God and the nature of heart to man/human.
So this day as I pray, I pray for you, as I ask you pray for me…..like a pay it forward prayer act.
I leave you with my bipolar thoughts now…
The heart may be the bodies strongest muscle but it’s also most fragile for all its strength it is also the weakest how’s that for irony?
As previously stated…..
Imagination is the myriad of possibilities we project and mold our future possibilities that lay before each of us.
We must engage our conscious, it too is the voice of God and the nature of heart in man.
So I reach out I hear the song of angels whispering……
I’m there for you
Expecting nothing in return, &
The amazing melodies of nature that only God can sing
The ability to hear it once again. May we all be so fortunate.
Thanks for reading my bipolar non traditional Christian thoughts.
~NJM~
Bipolar Tapestry~Poetic Thoughts 