You Know you could sell the ocean a cup of water that’s how convincing you are~
~Oceans~NJM~Quotes
You Know you could sell the ocean a cup of water that’s how convincing you are~
You Know you could sell the ocean a cup of water that’s how convincing you are~
My Eulogy, My epitaph
Can’t be written
Can’t contain
All the bullshit that Will remain
You know not about silence you have no clue~
You think art a weapon
Used by you?
Ha!
That is funny!
Think your self special my darling My honey~
I can spit out words faster than you think~
Faster than the bottle from ,Which you drink~
Don’t announce yourself to me
Tell me your ~I’m back”~
You’re the fire the lightening, Really is that a fact?
Or more bullshit you concote, Damn what a shock~
Not really your predictable you see?
If I want to see then I will, Otherwise should’ve let it be
Hacking my blog!
Think it’s cool?
All that college all that school, And to think I think you nothing more than a fool~
So you crack a code, Mix a spell,All that shit go to hell~
The jewel you found, Fascinated were you~
But you did see, That I can view, Things unseen, Feel you too~
I have a gift given at birth, Some say a blessing ,I often think it a curse~
So trend your words ,Algorithm and stride ,Get ready my Darling,For your big ride~
I could write and write, Forever you see especially,When it’s about you And me~
I’m lyrically gifted as well its seems, I take one simple word make it a dream……
Or a nightmare to frighten to scare To remind all who know me, Best beware~
There is not another you Know like me, but I know others exist….
I live in the know, Just as the tides ebb and flow~
Some say I’m a Cather of Catherism, no protest! But they do nonetheless~
My Tribe are the shaman, oracles of old.. Catherism….lights shine through the glass of a church like a prism~
Make others wonder how this is so, Art is no weapon!
Ha!
It’s a beautiful dance, It is what I am, What I will always be~
My epitaph~
My Eulogy~
I’m living,You see~
I forgot you know not, Blinded by ego~
A hurt that is fake, You go crawl the earth now, You scorpion snake~
#######
You Tangle my emotions
Tied them in a knot
Walked out my life leaving my heart to rot
As you slammed the door
I dropped to the floor
Getting stuck in the creases
Edges tathered torn
Grabbing for paper to write a letter….
But I am a typo
On written pages of life
With a message to convey
Not without perplexing one’s views
Part of the glitch
Some call me a bitch
Others a whore
Some say they need nothing more
I complete them
Impossible you see
If I can’t complete you
How the hell do I complete me
Tangled tied ripped upart, yet I’m still alive
Often I wonder is it chaos and tragedy on which I thrive
it’s all I know it’s how I survive go figure
Preemptive I suppose
I leave first
You silver tongue devil
You had me almost
But all of my life I stood by
With hope learning to cope
No more
Preemptive I am
Strike you down
Out of my sight
Purged from my mind
You can come to look
You will not find
Preemptive in love
Just as in war
I am a missile
I reach out so far
I’ll tear down your defenses
I close in on you all around
Slash your heart first
Never again it’s now
A curse
Laid upon me long ago
A trust can be broken only so many times
Am I confused unable to see
I breed in you and you breed in me
And we also bleed too!
Your deceit
Is a pool of my blood around your feet
My blood, my scars
No one can never cross far over my lines
Drawn in a particular way
So when I am done
I have the say
Preemptive
I can’t even make it a month
Thinking of what could be us
I see to much fault
You are not what I thought
Characteristics you portray
Soon fade away
So I jump out
Leaving you quickly
I can’t conceive
Why you can’t perceive
That I am no longer shackled
By love or sex
Well I’d like to think
Mortal coil craves
I’m human
I have my days
I’m preemptive
You wonder how you let go the best
It’s not you
It’s not a test
So go on your way
Give it a rest
Wait what did I just say?
Preemptive dear Darlin dear
Now feel the fate as it draws near~
Well, I’m speaking of my experience.
No and yes.
When manic, your sense of boundaries are skewed. The filter that most individuals use and have in place cease to exist.
In the manic phase, mania takes on many forms. Strong hostility, as well as a viscous tongue can arise if provoked even the slightest by someone who at one time or another failed me, these fails will indeed rise to the surface.
With that I’ve never been dishonest with my words but verbally abusive would fit. What I would say was often very true about what I felt about things they’ve done. But it was said very harshly, and with viscous intent. The message I conveyed was not false , but was said in such abrupt disregard that it would leave its scar.
Threatening. I only threatened when I was threatened. By that I mean because I’m bi polar, and may be within a confrontation , statements ” like you need to take your meds”or “no one will believe you cause you crazy ” will set me off, especially since those words are meant to make me feel less than, and with ignorance. Which at that point I will zone into all character flaws of the said individual I’m in conflict with and rip them to shreds, at which point I can leave them speechless.
In short I must be provoked in order to act in such ways. Granted I’m more sensitive when manic. So if the person is aware of my state. Then all could be avoided. It’s all in the care, in the handling.
Most of those whom I’ve done this too, had in most cases abandoned me when I may have needed them most. And when they needed me most I was there for them in their time of need.This is why I’ve burned a few bridges. But if they were unsupportive of me after my diagnosis then those bridges need not be crossed again.
These are my experiences , the only thing I felt bad for was how I said it. How I said it, and my intent behind it. But I was never sorry for speaking the truth.
Written 16 Dec, 2013. Asked to answer by Marcus Ford.
Nicholas your name means victory for the people.
Nicholas did you know I always said I would never have children. But along you came. I didn’t want to bring a child into a world I didn’t understand.
Nicholas do you know how special and beautiful your heart is? They’re very very few like you. Don’t ever be afraid to be different or worry what people think of you.
Nicholas you are wise far beyond years. Damn time my son, time can be so cruel. If I could go back I would be holding you safely as a child who is 2 yrs old bikie in mouth eyes so big with wonderment.
Nicholas do you want to be with me? Or has your mind been clouded. Remember Momma always said tell the truth, this includes two sides and your side. I know this is hard to understand but one day you’ll get it.
Nicholas the love I have for you is immeasurable and without any condition. I realize it can not be bought, no computers or games last forever, they fade… Love does not. Others will try to buy your love.
Nicholas things that happened should have never went down as they did. It is what it is. Life is gonna come at you quickly sometime and there is not a way to prepare.
Nicholas there are those who feed off another’s pain and suffering, why? Because all they know is pain and suffering. They no not the inner love that God gave to us. Somewhere in life theirs was stolen, or they did not come equip with it. Everyone is wired a bit differently.
Each day you’re away from me my heart dies a little.
My son I can’t live without you, it’s that simple. My only prayer is your mind is of its own not polluted by others agendas.
One day when you have a child you will better understand. Until then the only prayer I can utter to God is to keep you safe, around good people despite circumstances and mostly bring you back to me.
Nicholas I love you
Always
Your Mom
Sometimes letting go is the only way to hang on~