Sometimes festering in your own shit,covered inherently in your ignorant deceit may you look in the mirror & realize it’s time to come clean~
First I urge you the reader to watch a movie called “Touched by Fire” with Katie Holmes… the depiction of the two characters bring this post together. They are two bipolar individuals that’s all I will say. Watch it.
Bipolar the unique truth
Truth is there are many bipolar people with a unique gifts of art, it springs forth from our well to bring to life what we hope others will get, will understand.
I write poetry through my heart
My veins, my brain. Some other bipolar people paint, some sing, some Dance, some sculpt, and others like me, the countless thousands that write.
I consider myself a warrior fighting a cause trying to educate and break mental health stigma I also bring my demons out to display for all to see. That’s pretty ugly and unique. Hang it all out, air the bullshit I fester in at times, don’t we all?
Here is the thing, even warriors get weary and tired, and at times may even feel defeated.
I feel this as I write it, however by days end I’ll feel completely opposite I will feel empowered.
You may be a bipolar person, however every one of us is so unique so very unique.
I have been told all my
Life I have a switch, like a light switch that goes off if I’m done such as with let’s say …chemical addiction I am addicted for awhile to some drugs as an example. Cocaine, ecstasy, acid that kind of stuff I did at various times of my life, only to put it down. Still down over 15 years or more to this point and I pray it will always stick, it has thus far.
Now Mary Jane is like a best friend that I can hug goodbye, then check up on Mary Jane and alas, we have a long visit. Then I hug her again. Only to keep visiting.
Longest I ever told Mary Jane see you later I didn’t see her for 5 years….. that’s along time.
I’m similar with cigarettes but I have never been a real lifer for cigarettes.
I pick those up during stressful times. Like a switch I turn it back off till it illuminates again and the switch is turned on….. hey maybe it’s a glitch…
Today is the full moon. The moon affects bipolar people.
Say what you will, the cosmic energy changes the ebb and the flow of the ocean and pulls stronger because we are closer to our moon. If it affects a huge ocean then I view it as ……how much more can it affect us little humans. I mean come on it’s pulling an ocean sitting by us you think it don’t affect us, Ha. Ok.
Anyway these are my theories. Adopt them as your own if it rings true. Examine it if it doesn’t.
For some the full moon energizes their soul, others melancholia, others deep depression.
It is a shackle. I have theories about mental illness for a very long time. We live in a multidimensional world.
I often wondered if the mentally ill are tapping into the other dimensions the ones that others can’t hear, see, or feel.
I have others who have witnessed phenomena in me with regard to two things, first I seem to affect electrical currents in my area around me lights and such . Second the ability to tell you about something important that is gonna happen if you’re close to me.
This has been witnessed and many can tell you, yep she does.
This only started again, notice I said again, yes again after 3 years. See I was away around lies and deceit for the duration of my marriages, I listened and bought into the lies …. then I broke free after my divorce…for the last three years of my life, I stopped listening to lies, I’m in what I call a spiritual cleanse zone.
I can do things others can’t or maybe they can I haven’t met them yet, do you have phenomena too? just like I have , are you bipolar and have a phenomenon like myself which only adds to what I feel is extremely unique.
I had gifts when I was younger and not tainted by this world nor afflicted with atrocious disease of the mind. I prayed and meditated for hours in nature back then. My gifts at its apex. But years of hearing and buying into those lies affected my gifts. We all have some kinda strange gift if you tap into it.
Removing yourself from all lies or to recognize lies(spirit bares witness to others) the lies others speak you will and can know. But how do you know if they are lying?
For me It’s a silent “I know”.A feeling a sensation I pick up on.
Sometimes it’s just a quick whispers brief then gone.
This is me. This is how I am navigating my outer worldly experience. The queue’s I receive.
I don’t dabble in dark arts. My mother did. She was sought after on the bayous of Louisiana. People come from all over the bayou to see her. To hear what she had to say.
She then had a change of heart made me burn all my albums( so long ago lol albums) all my records.
I couldn’t wear pants anymore and I got to go to 6 th grade at a weird school from the church she joined. It was Like a mixture of Assembly of God or Pentecostal type of practice.
Yet I survived my crazy ass formidable young years as best I could, well that was until I revolted and got married at 14.
I was rebellious, against the grain. I think that was a charismatic draw when I was younger I had a few select friends.
Wherever we went, when we arrived the party started and most flocked to me it flowed… it was a powerful feeling.
So see yours may be different it’s why I have given you a quick narrative of my life.
So how are the meds going? Well? What was your cost? Mine was feelings, eyesight, weight, rapid weight gain. A few more add on’s.
My meds are Lamictal, Serquel, Clonopin. Not to mention pain meds for another condition.
Cool fact I’ve only had three cavities. My mom was big about brushing my damn teeth.
Hey! I have a bright smile. That is if I’m not in one of the many moods that flow through me every hour. Yes every hour.
See another difference. My Mind is in a variation or some would say rapid cycle.
Yours may be still, constant depressed, or you could be in a full blown manic episode.
In order to make any stride In Breaking stigma we must begin to be honest with ourselves.
We walk blindly sometimes through a day our thoughts jumbled.
But are we living our truth, bearing the scars and being open about your unique illness and the unique art it invokes in you.
Can we all feel empowered always, the answer is No. however we can strive, press onward.
For us our creativity and our illness make us so unique, so let your colors out and color outside the lines.
Don’t be afraid, we all have at one time or another. However, this is coming from someone who has had a rough ride getting to this place of complete honesty.
A place to tell my story without fear. Worry about nothing, care about most things, leave the rest behind. That’s my quote…
Thanks for stopping in and reading my post.
Have a beautiful day and watch out for our full moon tonight!
I will take my popular work and drafted it not be seen and run only the 1017 cypress excerpts, retribution, premise of my book, mostly DONNELL KERR POST… the bishop post my Momma’s post if I don’t see more support on these. It’s dear to my heart you read them, like them understand them, the pain in them and rejection in them. I follow you because I value you and your words. I like them. I need these to take prevalence. Thank you ahead of time for understaning . I mean these are serious post NO ONE should have to endure. Where is the empathy???where is the love from all you who follow me? These post hit home and have a story that is the catalyst that provoked my illness. Sure indeed these are the things that also inspire the writing you do love. It hurts that they’re just overlooked !
The post that roll after this are the ones I seek support and to educate all that read them. There are Also some really old post too from 2014, Thank you for your empathy understaning and support.
My Son life is gift and You are a gift to life~
My Son take care of yourself love yourself respect yourself and others will respect you~
My Son you will grow up and become a man never lose your inner child~
My Son you will win some and lose some don’t let the loss make you bitter but instead let it make you stronger~
My Son there is a God, we come from something bigger than us, give thanks and know God and angels watch over you~
My Son there will come a day that someone will let you down don’t lose your faith~
My Son there will be those who will lie about you, always do your best to tell the truth~
My Son you will fall in love one day remember love takes time to grow don’t jump in head first learn to understand each other to grow together~
My Son people say there is one great love in everyone’s life but remember that true love is immeasurable and to love alone is great~
My Son you will have many acquaintances and meet many people however you likely will have one true friend care for that friend and be there for them as I pray they will be there for you~
My Son you will meet many who are in need throughout your life do your best to be charitable learn to give~
My Son you will see many things in life that are unfair but do your best to not judge and know life eventually evens the score~
My Son you will come across others who are miserable and rude learn to be kind don’t take it personal be and example~
My Son don’t let other’s influence your thoughts learn to think for yourself~
My Son there will come a day where you will be afraid be brave and overcome~
My Son there will be those who will tell you are not good enough, know your value never sell yourself short~
My Son you will face the impossible in life don’t let it stop you , every dream can become a reality strive and press on and always do your best make your dreams come true I have faith in you~
My Son be different don’t conform stand out from the rest, stand tall, stand proud~
My Son there will be times in life to be humble, learn from this, understand this, grow from this~
My Son you can not save the world but you can make your area of the world a better place, care for mother earth the beautiful animals and those who have less than you, respect what you have been given take care of what is given you and greater things will come your way~
My Son not everyone is afforded the opportunity to understand and be educated learn to have patience learn to teach~
My Son you will grow older and people will die, we all die, still live life to the fullest~
My Son when I die and you need me after I’m gone know that a part of me is always there in your heart and in your mind that energy never dies it only changes form and I will see you again one day~
My Son you’re the greatest gift in my life I’m sorry for the times I’ve fallen short know I did the best I knew how that I love you always you are my heart, you are my reason, You are my Son~
Not for Reproduction~NJM~
The subtle trapping of the flesh
Does eat the soul alive…
The folly of words that spin the web
Leaving strife and lies.
The subtle desensitizing of the mind
Eating way at the cells misfiring
Does the spirit still dwell even against its contrary morals?
Against the angst and frailty of justice?
And doth contempt churn within,
As disconcerting as before the subtle lies of hatreds whore?
~Hatreds Whore Part~2~
You crazy fool you think you have yet again advanced your position in this life?
Coddled entitlement chokes you and leads you ignorantly through the trenches you walk daily… Believing your own demented truths!
And does your existence prove to be so profitable?
Does your opinion truly count?
Or does thy soul eat away
The core of your spirit that
Dances idly alone through clouded dreams pass the Laws of men smothered by society’s brew eats the meat and flesh of your bones, your life and lies doth slowly chew, and spew…… You out… Spit forth
Leftovers are all you are fool, and to think you never knew !
And does thy soul magnify and convey the torment ?
Or do you smile, all the while eating lies up like a child?
~Epilogue to Hatreds Whore~
The Will of youth is fading
Hinged between realm’s of grey, black, white…..wrong, right smeared dripping, bleeding into each other~
Not yet divided by age ……definitely, to young to be old, to old to be young.
Seemingly timeless, don’t we wish to believe~
Thy will was strong, Ah Thy youth vigorous! Consuming, Passionate……..Yet time upon earth has broken the will of your youth, tainted, choked the spirit of your present condition once shared Devine connection….. Suffocating in a conformist fashion…Pre-made a template duplicated…. Scorned…even Hated~
Strange strengths unknown alive yet Lacking discipline~Ominous thoughts scatter about
Eating around the skirted Subjects best left secret, leaving no clue~
Unmastered skill yielding strength
imparting ability to carry forth much more intense tasks yet to be finished with flawless execution, instead drained by surrounding energies pertaining to tasks, trying times, ever smudging smearing lines~
Visions inspired by God… That great cosmic master have wiped the slate of prophecy clean~
Over exposure to environment wiped the mind void …..trying to distinguish which voice……… which vision was God, or Demons now lurking in corners, and shadows awaiting moments of weakness to torment thoughts, your soul.
Mute Divinity the Holy Spirit once directing every step, every action of times long lost…… Lost long before this present condition, this meager existence.
Doth this evil that exist supersede the once enveloping presence man thought God to be?
Those philosophical longings… Greater questions lingering, longing for answers……
Has exposure edified the presence of human thought upon God, as deceitful, longing to have control?
Does thought of a Godless world Condemn us swiftly without Regarded thought?
Without belief in tact?
Skeptics … Dare we be?
Ah we must! Indeed.
It’s down to science to fact…..Facts often proven failures later due to fallacy, policy, ignorance believing that the mysteries of the unseen, angels, demons the Supreme One are false?
Your Experience prevails or does it Lack?
Has doubt allowed hate to negate….contradicting lies, sealing history’s fate? Squeezing the life out, draining needs of things considered holy, Devine, to seemingly cease?
Or does it thrive within you alive?
Hatred you whore, you demonic thief… Reeking havoc destruction and grief, yet easily graceful, alluring, enticing to beseech, even more so to easily reach~
Insidious belief difference divides
opposes thought……,action with deceit, malice, subtle thief….. whore, that hate, Trying to cloud human fate….
Venomous rage, collected, captured shackled in a cage
Scorned trifling rage
Hate… You whore
Ever present searching for more~
Hating today as much as yesterday maybe a little more….
Thus my name is Hatreds Whore~
Not For Reproduction~