~Personal Quotes~Find your Voice~

~You can’t change the world and how it interacts with you, however you can change how you interact with the world~Find your voice~NJM~

~My Personal Quote~ Differences~Keeping it Real~

~When the difference that divides, turns into the commonality we share, then and only then will racism cease~
~NJM~

~But That’s Not Humanly Possible..or is It?~

Often we are faced with the question above, possibilities and outcomes of certain questionable task, projects, and subjects we call life presents us with all sorts of opportunities to test the limits of possibilities. We at times feel it’s not humanly possible to accomplish such tasks.If you follow me, read my answers and post you have a pretty good idea of who I am, what my purpose is for writing about subjects I consider important issues of life. I believe we often share the side of us that will impact the opinions of others views in regard to how we are seen, and we all want that to be positive.Through the last 5 years due to my illness and situations I’ve decided that in order to bring about any change of view for the cause or purpose I believe in, I would need to be willing to share the good the bad and the ugly of what I am. I have done this at times with great apprehension. I have consulted my psychologist each time I unveil the layers that makes me who I am.Today mental illness and Autism deals with a type of racism. The difference however is we are in the birthing stages of this topic where scarcely people such as myself are just beginning to speak openly about this subject matter. It’s only been in the spotlight recently, unlike color racism or gender racism which we have faced for years and years. You can only talk about or place judgment upon subjects such as these for so long before it’s “like throwing pearls to swine” Mathew 7:6(oh crap she used a quote from Jesus)One extremely important purpose in my life is my son. If you read my post and follow me, you will notice I make mention of him often, but not in depth.Sadly through most of my life I often stated that I would never have kids. I didn’t want something to tie me down. I loved the ability to come and go as I please. I hated this world, its strange rules and lack of fairness. Until my fathers passing I really never gave solid thought about being a parent. So it came as a huge surprise when two weeks after my Dad had passed on to find out I was pregnant. I had only been intimate one time in the previous 8 weeks.

Nine months later my beautiful boy came along. I named him after my Dad. The first time I held him I was so tired from the C-section delivery. When he was placed in my arms tremendous fear and love washed over me. The weight of truth settled into my mind of what I had been entrusted with. The task at hand with regard to raising my son was daunting. I had never had a two-parent household as a child nor aunts, uncles, grand parents that even acknowledged me, seems I was a subject of controversy the minute I manifested here on planet earth, I knew rejection and desperately wanted to give my son the choices and opportunities and experiences I had not been afforded. I made the decision to pair up with my ex husband to try and effectively raise my son together. I left the biological father during my pregnancy for several reasons.

Before I go further into depth of the subject I am going to delve into a bit of insight about my son. First here is a recent photo of him. Beautiful right?

He is the single greatest event of my life. Often He teaches me more things than I teach him. For instance we could be in the ugliest torn down environment possible and he will be the first to find the positive aspects about things that often escape you or I . He is brave, not only does he live with the label in regard to ethnicity or race, but he has Asperger’s which to me only makes his quality of thoughts and expression utterly amazing and endearing, Then let’s throw in his type 1 diabetes, Five times a day he must draw blood to monitor his blood glucose levels. He wears an insulin pump, which requires a canula similar to what you would know as an IV one would wear in the hospital, attached to his body at all times. My son has been this way since he was 18 months old. He spent a week in intensive care when the diagnosis occured I called into work one day because I could see he had labored breathing, and was urinating to much, he was almost in complete diabetic shock, thank God I noticed this, because had I left him with the sitter and ignored the strange symptoms of which no one had ever spoken of to me about he most likely would be dead today. See doctors will tell you that as long as your child has a wet diaper during illness that means they are hydrated. He had been throwing up, but his diaper was wet. Little did I know he was urinating his body away.

What diabetes has taught me is to be sure while raising my son to not let his illness or disability take the front seat. To not make a big deal or draw attention to things that makes him or you different from others. Teaching him this principle goes a long long way in how he has come to perceive the world around him. My son displays true courage, he is an example for us, for me, for you.

I have shared with you the above thoughts to paint the picture of where I am heading in this post. Most importantly this post is for my son, he is my reason and purpose to trying to pave a new way of  life for him and all children. So with that I am going to begin to expound upon my view of racism and my suggestions of how we must view such subjects going forward, these suggestions are of extreme importance to consider if we want to build a safe and accepting world for those who have children with disabilities as well as for those who do not, and for those who may one day become a parent. The following paragraphs may have slight to moderate sarcasm. But it’s done so with what I would call dark humor. Let’s begin shall we.

I was unfollowed by the person I had a heated exchange with..OMG…:) then by the same person blocked (gasps) I do declare, then de-friended on Facebook meh, but then I also received a text message from said person letting me know further beyond their actions thus far, that we were DONE.  Now I don’t know about you, but my view of this shows the level of  immaturity I’m dealing with here in regard to a recent exchange on this subject at hand. I may not always share your view, but I’m following you for a reason … Perhaps it’s for the purpose of “keeping it real” perhaps I  admire  you or your writing style… Either way my following you is with purpose. Even though I may disagree with some of your views.

Often times I go down the list of my followers to their profile to see their activity and then check out their recent answers, I learned this style from Xu Beixi she has taught me so much being here~She is simply Amazing~ sorry I tagged you, I try to steer clear of tagging to much, I view it as grab assing(incase your not familiar with the term grab assing it’s slang for bull shit) But in this case I am allowing it in this post. So I happened upon someone who had their recent activity as an upvote on a post with the very person I had the ugly exchange. To be clear aboutexchange it’s an occurrence of giving one thing and receiving another.

I read the post and realized it was about the exchange I had recently in regard to racism, I was surprised that it received any attention because within the post lots of judging came up. Here is a direct quote I found in the comment section from the person in regard to my grammar usage That’s  funny she  frequently misspells and uses incorrect grammar and communication so she further underlines her own ignorance~ Being petty and using gender to make points I mention gender because I leave the words such as He/She out of my post on purpose for several reasons. But attacking another’s grammar is a judgment and racist remark against my education or lack thereof. Anytime someone wears the title of Judgment in regard to things such as this subject nature I’m writing about, all the way down to belittling someone due auto correct because I happen to be on my phone … In my opinion is hitting way way below the belt. Further more Brining up my race then getting pissed of if  I try to explain why race is not relevant for change to occur and still they are bringing up my sons race or lack thereof or words such a cognition (which in my opinion they clearly lacked) is deplorable and sounds to me like that person may have a chip or ten on their shoulder. Although I can see how this person would state these judgments being as they feel repressed.

To proceed with the point of my post, although points are indeed lost most always nonetheless, I’m going to give it a try once again with a bit more finesse… Here we go…Racism.. That word just stirs up the pot, doesn’t it. Racism does indeed stretch beyond the boundaries of its humble origins. It covers a whole lot of issues we encounter each and everyday. Originally used to describe those who have inferior or indifferent feelings about black human beings.

Today it is an umbrella word. I believe It’s a word that can cover various subjects in regard to prejudice or discrimination, as well as stereotyping. It’s also alive in ones self with regard to repression one may feel, thinking that the world at large is interacting in some way with them, instead of how THEY INTERACT with the world.

The sad thing is that in many ways racism is still here. Often times when we as a race think we have made strides in the right direction against racism the evil entity that is racism pops it’s ugly head out yet again proving It lives and lingers in every group, town, city, states and country, festering in the hearts of humans. One would think that after discussing a topic for the better half of the twentieth century yet lingering and bleeding into the twenty first century that all these discussions have yield is more chaos and confusion but not a single speech or death of those making the speech has really made much leeway. We elect Obama into the white house and that sadly became a subject of racism as well. True change occurs through example and experience.

You would think that for the past 60 years (estimated) we have made the biggest steps in the right direction or so it would seem. Then something like the Trayvon Martin event comes and reminds us that it’s still alive and well, even though we have talked about this issue for years and years… Years. Not much has changed. Sadly All the Trayvon Martins or Token black folk or speeches have yet to change it… Hmmm insane right?
Call my statements above a Red Herring, Post Hoc, Straw man whatever makes you feel better. See I was told that brining up Trayvon was a Red Herring.

In any issue we face, whether be it personal, or issues at large if an approach that has not previously worked for over 60 years and is still being used, yet yielding results that truly make “no difference” then it’s time for new tactics, a new strategy an approach if you will.

When the same tactic that has been used to try and stomp out issues such as race, or issue’s about oneself in relation to racism it’s s called insanity.

It’s insane to think that pointing out differences such as race, or better yet thinking you are a spokes person for such things as race is going to brake the cycle …..that cycle that yet continues, damn that cycle.

If I felt that bringing up such topics was a good approach, I surely had every reason to talk about such being the mother of a child that is mixed in origin, multiracial I like to say. But as you will soon find out as you read further that according to the other person I had the heated exchange with that I wouldn’t know nothing being a white women and all, with a mixed child.

Today after thinking about all that has transpired due to the subject being brought up in the forum, I now feel the need to lend a voice to educate the subject of race. I would like to offer a few suggestions on this worn out subject.

I feel this way because of my son who is mostly black. Why would I say mostly black you ask? Well a person recently told me(Notice I don’t use gender at all in my reference I merely leave the common ground we share together, being we are people/person, and you cannot tell about that person’s gender because I use certain principles when trying to make a point) Any way this person Whom I thought was a friend, who happened to be a black person of a certain demographic said and I quote “I had no place to feel how I do since I was a white women” my my my… Hmmm ..there it is again pointing out difference that ugly race/gender difference card (I say women because you can clearly see I’m the women writing this) but better still in regard to my ideas is that I am a PERSON, a living, breathing, walking, person, just like you. Wow who would’ve known?

This is what I teach as a principle to my son, took look past differences and instead see each other as the human beings we are, funny thing is subsequently my son teaches me daily about things of the heart, about love, acceptance, and how not to notice obvious differences, but instead look for the common element we all share. I would not be bringing up race in regard to my son who is black, (only pointing out racial aspects since this seems to be the ongoing theme) and since I’m Creole, that makes him a bit more than half black. But most importantly it also makes him a human being, same as me, you the person next to you, your neighbor.

To bad that person didn’t look a bit closer in regard to labels. Creole people are a mixture of Spanish, French, and Black ethnicity. To bad that person couldn’t just see me as the person, the human I am, but instead a white women no less. That this person couldn’t see that making race an issue in my opinion in subtle ways makes that person…… Well sorry to say it but racistBut you see that’s my view, however I’m here to say that beyond the realm of Quora my view is greatly shared.

I feel that in order to represent all gender and race my first suggestion on that subject is change the word man and replace the word with  human hence man kind changes to human kind if somehow that stance was a view shared commonly among humans long long ago, Tremendous amount of conflict including slavery would have NEVER existed! But unfortunately that approach was not implemented. Instead we try and ostracize those different from us.

Remember the one commonality we all share, which is being human. Human being, that’s what we are. Hey look I’m thinking surely the person who coined the term “human race” had that principle in mind when doing so, they freely looked upon the element we share, which is we are human first. As long as I’m the mother representing my child of a mixed origin, I definitely feel my view upon such is of extreme relevance.

What can you and I do in your little area of the world to change the view of others you find different or indifferent than yourself you ask?  Simple, apply the principle I teach my son who as stated previously also teaches me and I am still trying to apply in my life and plant the seeds in yours, don’t point out our differences in terms of race pointing out difference on any subjects of this nature simply must cease in order for change. In order to come together we must find a common ground, which has eluded us at this point. Look in the mirror staring back is the reflection of you, and me

But then again what would I know, being white women and all, with a mixed child. I wouldn’t know a thing right?

Personally I think where we are headed in terms of race is what we see happening before our eyes. People are mixing together in union, interracial unions are making up more and more interracial children until one day race in regard to racism will cease, want to know why? Because at that point we will all be one racethen we can’t point fingers when we are mostly all alike, we are indeed one race that is the human race although its not fully recognized. If we continue down the path I clearly see, the trend of humanity is leading us naturally in the direction of one mixed race, which is represented nicely by children such as my son, and myself.

I am going to share something the person who I had this disagreement with so beautifully and aptly put an analogy in my mind when we spoke of better subjects That is “you can’t make change looking in the rear view mirror, only by looking through the windshield” I like this quote It works lest we all fall further into ignorance and continue to look behind us, instead of in front of us.

I would also like to add that should you feel repression about subjects of race, it is the repression YOU ALLOW yourself to feel, you allow yourself to THINK is real. Truly it is real, that is for you its real, not for all of us, certainly not for my son or me at least not with regard in discussion such as these, we prefer to set examples.

So please remember the common element we all share being human.. Human being… That is of course unless you’re an Alien. Then by all means should you be an Alien, that is in ” Alien from outer space” surely then we should sit down… If you can sit, and explore the difference of our existence, being that here on earth we are humans.

But if you’ve traveled light years away to visit us, I would be delighted to sit or stand and exchange the obvious difference we don’t share. Instead of the commonality we all share.

Going forward with regard to this festering subject at hand, I’ll be speaking loudly about my views to try facilitate change needed so my son and the future of our children. So this world will be better than the present conditions we currently still exist in. I’ll try to work on my delivery of such festering topics.

However should you continue to disagree with me, I believe Robert A Heinlein had the right idea in mind when he said “A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, guide a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”

Oh one more thing if your going to represent me as part of the Felidae species I believe the Leopard would be best considering the many colors of their fur and the fact that teeth and claws would show for sure when protecting her cubs. I believe Scar who was Simba’s evil uncle in my opinion was best represented by the person with whom I exchanged harsh views and blocked me.

Not For Reproduction.

 

 

~Views About God or Lack Thereof~

 Had a conversation not long ago with a dear friend I met via Quora, we have talked a bit through emails.

He was once a Christian, he now has abandoned his faith for the choice of being an Atheist.
We none the less still communicate… Not as often lately but none the less he has made a positive impact upon me, and although we have had some deep, deep discussion on things of spiritual nature, God, the lack thereof, we always walk away knowing we will be close although our views of God are different. With him being the lack of a God, with me believing in God. It’s a touchy subject you see, religious, political, racial, sexualpreference…poverty.. You get the picture. I’m am not gonna tag him, he will know when he reads this.. That it was my answer to a debate or conversation of sorts about why I believe in God. He sent a photo one day via email as part of an unfinished conversation the following words you will read was my response to the photo and what was(We finally To Just Agree toDisagree) our on going philosophical discussion of things such as atheism, theism, monotheism, pandiabolism( Fredrick Neitzsche actual stance was pandiabolism)

Yes, I see that, and what I’ll say is there will always be what you see above in those pictures, as long as you reside on this earth.This earth is governed by the law of free will. You are aware of this? I’m certain you are. Do you understand the law? That I’m not sure. You want to believe that God does not exist. I understand this, however I also see a conflict in you ,a reflection so to speak. You want others to validate your belief. Why? Because if morepeople share your belief it makes it real for you. That’s fine. As long as we are here in this realm, on this earth, we will continue to see pain and suffering. God will not intervene where he has given men charge. This earth was given over to humans long ago. The challenge with the above picture is for those same men to rise up and use the power of will, the power God gave to change the above picture. This of course will never happen on earth, why? Because our conversation is a pure example. We can’t agree.Because there is not a firm and positive agreement, and never has been, therefore conflict, strife, discord, suffering and pain, will all exist… That is as long as humans are left to there own devices, to govern their own will. Which God did do. Change for the above photo will only occur if everyone agrees… Which will not happen, as previously stated. Life is not a one size fits all. If it were, it would be boring, if we never knew suffering, then we could never understand the beauty and joy, vice versa. I’m always gonna have a rebuttal as you will too, why? Because as I beautifully stated… We won’t agree. That’s the sadness of it all.
But it is life here on earth. It is what it is. Accept it or don’t. It’s all down to a choice, a view.

~The Truth About Forgiveness….~

The truth about forgiveness and other peoples shit.

I recently had an opportunity to interact in a racial discussion. Not such a big secret.

As with all things labeled “race” tensions can often times run high.

One of the people I exchanged views with I had previously exchanged more pleasant conversations in regard to life,love, God….

Thank God right? It’s always a good thing to share positive thoughts and well wishes.

But on this occasion, Many …many things came up in our exchange of views, mud was slinging about. You know the great divides that we all eventually face in life from time to time based upon learned views, social norms. That mud being our “shit”

I have what I like to call strong frequency levels when it comes to others I interact with. Whether face-to-face, phone, or via the Internet.Once the connection is made, I can sense the mood easily.

This person went to bed angry. I actually prayed and laid my head down in peace before sleep, but upon waking I could feel the tension in the atmosphere. That person had not slept well, and was still extremely angry.

That person I exchanged harsh words with The key word being “exchange” see I am aware enough to see that in most cases of civility when lines begin to blur and pleasantries cease to exist, it is down to the two who are at battle.

The battle being the subject at hand, the views harshly expressed. I could sense the indifference from this person, although this person may not have felt it from me. I bit into the indifference instead of doing what I clearly know how to do, which is to just walk away.

But instead I chose to stay awhile. I chose to hash out all my beliefs on the subject at hand. I stated my thoughts clearly and remained on the subject matter as best I could, considering the remarks and innuendos that were being exchanged. You know the ones like the word “Cognition” in regard to things of the mind. Or the phrases like “to counter your claims” or better yet “moral high ground” hmmmm….

After the final comments were finished, lines had been crossed, I prayed. I asked God to forgive me for my unwillingness to yield on the subject being discussed. Then I knew the next step to releasing the poison I had allowed myself to bite into….. I had to ask the very person I exchanged harsh comments with to humbly forgive me.

Now it’s one thing to say harsh words……that is to actually exchange harsh words, but another thing to say you’re sorry sensing and knowing that your wrong is as wrong as their wrong, yet fully aware that their arrogance would justify their cause and stated words.

I was fully aware that I would open myself up to feel further hurt by allowing myself to ask for forgiveness and in so doing trying to forgive myself for going to places I usually try my best to stay away from.

I believe the saying is “chose your battles wisely”.

I don’t know if the other person is or is not aware of how strongly I can sense others. But what I can tell you is my judgment of such has never failed. What has failed is for me to truly recognize at this stage of my life these frequencies I pick up on.

I realized that the last time I spoke to this person it was done on their behalf out of a sense of some duty. I could hear this in the person’s voice almost from day one. But I was extremely gracious for the fact that someone was willing to reach out to me.

I just wish I would have declined at this point. I realize that true actions never stick for long if they’re done out of duty.

For any true exchange or epiphany to occur on any subject between two strong minds there first needs to be a willingness that’s organic and freely felt from the heart to heart.

See duty is like a job you grudgingly hold onto because you somehow have been made to play that role. Trust I know, I used to feel the same way at one venture of my life. I realized that it was laboring under false pretense.

The most freeing thing anyone can do for themselves is to first forgive yourself for the ignorant actions/exchange between another living, breathing, human being. Forgive yourself for the stupid battle you so willingly placed yourself in, in the first place.

Then the hardest part of the next stage is saying your sorry, being fully aware that an apology is needed all the way around, however knowing you must act first. Because you can sense that the other person wouldn’t budge, and most likely will hold onto their view never fully seeing full circle that it was indeed an “exchange”

I’ve lived this role in my life to many times, what it has yet again taught me is to not only chose my plight carefully, but that at some innate level of existence this world has made us all a bit “full of shit”.

For that I can’t say much more, considering I’m covered in my own most of the time, but at the present moment I’m covered both in mine and the other persons “shit.”

I am sorry for the colorful use of the word “shit” as it pertains to the human qualities we all inherently share. I feel a bit cleaner now for coming clean, and being the person to see her shit first.

Now I’ll go on my detox of sorts that I said I was going to do yesterday, yet here I am today but now I truly have stated my piece/peace. Thank you for a lovely exchange.

~The Hardest Part Of Living With Mental Illness~

~The loss. Somewhere inside, you lose yourself. You can recall some images of what you thought you were. But parts of you, or at least to me it was, like losing me… Shattered all over the place… Gathering the pieces of me. And not being very effective at gathering the pieces, some lost forever.
 
Which brings the next point “doubt”.
Doubting that you are ill, not accepting an illness that does not have a cure yet. Not wanting the label, the stigma.
 
Stigma, exist even today if you open about mental illness to others, people begin to judge you, question your ability to fit neatly into a category that they’ve never experienced first hand. Humans like labels, and they like consistency. Mental illness is hardly ever consistent, and mostly unpredictable.
 Image
Further more some can see easily in others what they quickly dismiss in themselves. Sometimes it is them, and they’re living in the denial, and unless treated, and accepted, those very people who continue to deny they have a mental illness usually wind up dead. Why? Because anyone that has terminal illness will experience repercussions if not treated properly and in a timely fashion.
 
If you have cancer and you don’t go to chemo, and don’t do what you’ve been told, you will eventually die sooner than you would had you’d followed a treatment plan.
 
Diabetes, I tell my son almost weekly that like him being dependent upon insulin, that mommy too is dependent upon certain lifestyles changes and medication to keep my illness managed, just as he needs to check his blood sugar and take insulin to manage his illness. So it is with Mom. There it is again, that word” Loss “of freedom to live without medicine. To have to be dependant upon medicine in order to live effectively and to the best of our ability is binding to say the least.
 
Then there is the isolation that comes with the illness, at least for me it did. All of the crazy things I have done while manic have broken ties with people I once considered friends, are now gone forever. But had proper truths been applied in society and the medical profession at large would have educated society, then perhaps the ignorance of my supposed friends on the subject today, may still have been around. All though I feel it very unlikely, that the outcome would be much different. We were already growing apart. The illness only escalated it. Yet again “Loss”
 
 
 Lack of information and education is rarely used in the right way to inform. Truth is society’s no closer to unveiling how the medicine we (society) do take for mental illness works, society still continually sees it as weakness instead of the terminal illness it is.
 
Then there is a two edged sword due to the label or category for those who are deemed bipolar. Bipolar individuals (at least in my experience) tend to have a marine forecast in place. Some times we’re sunny and the ocean is calm fishing conditions optimal, sometimes rip currents, sometime high tides, then low tides, choppy conditions, rainy and worse even is hurricanes. That’s the easiest way to explain the way bipolar people feel, how quickly we can escalate if we are not treating our illness with the care and respect it demands of us. Then there are moments that anxiety clenches my chest and I get over whelmed with self doubt a gripping fear that my “mind” might let me down. Trust me, it’s a feeling I hope you never have to have. The ability to not trust oneself is an extreme loss.
 
All because of loss, the challenge I face now is turning my loss into the advantage and always press on. Because if there is nothing more to consider or believe. I believe in restoring…….. that which was lost can be restored.

  
 

 

~Hatreds Whore Part 1~Part 2~Epilogue~

~Hatreds Whore~

The subtle trapping of the flesh
Does eat the soul alive…
The folly of words that spin the web
Leaving strife and lies.
The subtle desensitizing of the mind
Eating way at the cells misfiring
Does the spirit still dwell even against its contrary morals?
Against the angst and frailty of justice?
And doth contempt churn within,
As disconcerting as before the subtle lies of hatreds whore?

 

~Hatreds Whore Part~2~

You crazy fool you think you have yet again advanced your position in this life?
Coddled entitlement chokes you and leads you ignorantly through the trenches you walk daily… Believing your own demented truths!
And does your existence prove to be so profitable?
Does your opinion truly count?
Or does thy soul eat away
The core of your spirit that
Dances idly alone through clouded dreams pass the Laws of men  smothered by society’s brew eats the meat and flesh of your bones, your life and lies doth slowly chew, and spew…… You out… Spit forth
Leftovers are all  you are fool, and to think you  never knew !
And does thy soul magnify and convey the torment ?
Or do you smile, all the while eating lies up like a child?

~Epilogue to Hatreds Whore~

The Will of youth is fading
Hinged between realm’s of grey, black, white…..wrong, right smeared dripping, bleeding into each other~
Not yet divided by age ……definitely, to young to be old, to old to be young.
Seemingly timeless, don’t we wish to believe~

Thy will was strong, Ah Thy youth vigorous! Consuming, Passionate……..Yet time upon earth has broken the will of your youth, tainted, choked the spirit of your present condition once shared Devine connection….. Suffocating in a conformist fashion…Pre-made a template duplicated…. Scorned…even Hated~

Strange strengths unknown alive yet Lacking discipline~Ominous thoughts scatter about
Eating around the skirted Subjects best left secret, leaving no clue~

Unmastered skill yielding strength
imparting ability to carry forth much more intense tasks yet to be finished with flawless execution, instead drained by surrounding energies pertaining to tasks, trying times, ever smudging smearing lines~

Visions inspired by God… That great cosmic master have wiped the slate of prophecy clean~
Over exposure to environment wiped the mind void …..trying to distinguish which voice……… which vision was God, or Demons now lurking in corners, and shadows awaiting moments of weakness to torment thoughts, your soul.
Mute Divinity the Holy Spirit once directing every step, every action of times long lost…… Lost long before this present condition, this meager existence.

Doth this evil that exist supersede the once enveloping presence man thought God to be?
Those philosophical longings… Greater questions lingering, longing for answers……
Has exposure edified the presence of human thought upon God, as deceitful, longing to have control?

Does thought of a Godless world Condemn us swiftly without Regarded thought?
Without belief in tact?
Skeptics … Dare we be?
Ah we must! Indeed.

It’s down to science to fact…..Facts often proven failures later due to fallacy, policy, ignorance believing that the mysteries of the unseen, angels, demons the Supreme One are false?
Indeed subjective.
Your Experience prevails or does it Lack?

Has doubt allowed hate to negate….contradicting lies, sealing history’s fate? Squeezing the life out, draining needs of things considered holy, Devine, to seemingly cease?
Or does it thrive within you alive?

Hatred you whore, you demonic thief… Reeking havoc destruction and grief, yet easily graceful, alluring, enticing to beseech, even more so to easily reach~

Insidious belief difference divides
opposes thought……,action with deceit, malice, subtle thief….. whore, that hate, Trying to cloud human fate….
Venomous rage, collected, captured shackled in a cage
Scorned trifling rage
Hate… You whore
Ever present searching for more~
Hating today as much as yesterday maybe a little more….
Thus my name is Hatreds Whore~

Not For Reproduction~

 

~Epilogue to Hatreds Whore~

The Will of youth is fading
Hinged between realm’s of grey , black, white…..wrong, right smeared dripping, bleeding into each other~
Not yet divided by age ……definitely, to young to be old, to old to be young.
Seemingly timeless, don’t we wish to believe~

Thy will was strong, Ah Thy youth vigorous! Consuming, Passionate……..Yet time upon earth has broken the will of your youth, tainted, choked the spirit of your present condition once shared Devine connection….. Suffocating in a conformist fashion…Pre-made a template duplicated…. Scorned…even Hated~

Strange strengths unknown alive yet Lacking discipline~Ominous thoughts scatter about
Eating around the skirted Subjects best left secret, leaving no clue~

Unmastered skill yielding strength
imparting ability to carry forth much more intense tasks yet to be finished with flawless execution, instead drained by surrounding energies pertaining to tasks, trying times, ever smudging smearing lines~

Visions inspired by God… That great cosmic master have wiped the slate of prophecy clean~
Over exposure to environment wiped the mind void …..trying to distinguish which voice……… which vision was God, or Demons now lurking in corners, and shadows awaiting moments of weakness to torment thoughts, your soul.
Mute Divinity the Holy Spirit once directing every step, every action of times long lost…… Lost long before this present condition, this meager existence.

Doth this evil that exist supersede the once enveloping presence man thought God to be?
Those philosophical longings… Greater questions lingering, longing for answers……
Has exposure edified the presence of human thought upon God, as deceitful, longing to have control?

Does thought of a Godless world Condemn us swiftly without Regarded thought?
Without belief in tact?
Skeptics … Dare we be?
Ah we must! Indeed.

It’s down to science to fact…..Facts often proven failures later due to fallacy, policy, ignorance believing that the mysteries of the unseen, angels, demons the Supreme One are false?
Indeed subjective.
Your Experience prevails or does it Lack?

Has doubt allowed hate to negate….contradicting lies, sealing history’s fate? Squeezing the life out, draining needs of things considered holy, Devine, to seemingly cease?
Or does it thrive within you alive?

Hatred you whore, you demonic thief… Reeking havoc destruction and grief, yet easily graceful, alluring, enticing to beseech, even more so to easily reach~

Insidious belief difference divides
opposes thought……,action with deceit, malice, subtle thief….. whore, that hate, Trying to cloud human fate….
Venomous rage, collected, captured shackled in a cage
Scorned trifling rage
Hate… You whore
Ever present searching for more~
Hating today as much as yesterday maybe a little more….
Thus my name is Hatreds Whore~

Not For Reproduction~

~When was Bipolar Discovered~

Bipolar disorder is not so much discovered as it did exist throughout time. Dated back to Ancient Greece where Aretaeus of Cappadocia, who was a physician and philosopher in the time of Nero or Vespasian (first century AD) had observed patients that would dance and play all night for days even. Then without notice change to dull and somber and weeping.

It has always been there, just not yet labeled as such. 
In the early nineteen hundreds the term was called “Manic Depressive” in order to give a term to the manic side of mania and its counterpart depression


 In 1854, Jules Baillarger (1809–1890) and Jean-Pierre Falret (1794–1870) both presented psychiatric terms and writing about the illness called ~dual insanity ~ 

It was In the early 1900s the eminent German psychiatrist Emil Kraepelin (1856–1926) coined the term that would be used to describe what we know as bipolar today. He called it ~manic depression~ 

It was not until the 1950’s that the terms for the illness went between using ~manic depressive~ to bipolar affective disorder ~ it was proposed by German psychiatrist Karl Leonhard in 1957.

So it truly has always been an illness, like all other illness that has also been around for ages. There is no definitive answer to exactly when it was discovered. Much like diabetes and cancer.. I don’t think we know who exactly discovered those either.

~How Can You Tell If You Have Bipolar Disorder~

Recently I was asked via htt://qr.ae/hWb5H on my Quora site if there is a way that an individual can determine if he or she has Bipolar disorder. The following is my answer to this question. It is very informative.

You don’t know. You can speculate. You can check a symptoms chart or a test online. There are various web sites to do this. Does this give a true analysis? Somewhat. But it’s not a definitive answer.

Unfortunately you may be or have been bipolar for years. Marked with large highs and lows from day to day, that you may just chalk up to irritability. Many people most likely do. Then along comes a string of life altering events and your reaction is over the edge, a trigger is set off and there you are in the throws of a full blown manic attack.

I was originally diagnosed with major clinical depression in my 20’s ….Cut to age 40 and a life time of stressful events that occurred that triggered a manic response. But even then you won’t believe your bipolar. I didn’t, You just think its a reaction to the event. Indeed it is. But the underlying almost dormant symptoms spill out because of the event. Even today my diagnosis is a dual diagnosis. The doctors could see characteristics of both bipolar 1 and PTSD.

I look back and see clearly that I was bipolar most of my life, highs and lows. Boundless energy. I’ve been told by a few fellow bipolar people and also by doctors that as we age the symptoms increase in severity especially if left untreated.

It truly will take a mental evaluation to determine a definitive answer. Even then it may take three or more, in any case one is hardly enough.

So you see it’s a lot of variables a lot of events, and reactions that you can recall. Psychiatric evaluations are given based on a diagnostic statistical manual of mental illness. Criteria has been studied, observed and entered in, this is to give a general idea of a possible diagnosis to the doctor who evaluates you. 

Of course several episodes of mania are undeniable and if you’ve experienced such there is no denying you will know by your outlandish behavior, lack of inhibitions, grandiosity, contempt, rage.. So forth so on.

But just because you have not experienced a bout of mania does not mean you’re bipolar free, you could indeed be bipolar two, instead of bipolar one, or unipolar. Possibly border line mood/personality  disorder.

Only through a psychiatric evaluation, and as stated previously more than one will you receive a definite and reasonable diagnosis. Then by all means get into treatment and work it with all intent to be well and stay well.

Otherwise the repercussions can be fatal, even deadly. Act now if you suspect you may be bipolar or any other mental health issue and have more than a few symptoms. Go get a psychiatric evaluation.