Ok. I’m gonna take you on a tour to try and experience what mania feels like. I’m writing about my traits mostly, and a few small stories along the way with added visual effects. So come on in…..
So What does a manic episode feel like? Lets begin. The fun part:
(if there is such a thing) it’s like your on cocaine. So if you’ve ever done coke then that’s a good platform to grasp exactly how the early stages of mania feels like for me. Ten feet tall & bullet proof.
But what’s is the catalyst? For me
It starts subtly, but there is always a trigger. My trigger is extreme external stress from specific conditions around me. So far this is what ignites the mania.
This stress will then manifest itself in Creative ways. First my interest in music increases. So much so that every song is speaking to me and was most likely written for me, and has special meaning that I’m obviously the only one able to receive the special message, the only one able to hear the encrypted meaning. I’ll think of a song I want to hear, I’ll shuffle my entire list of songs on my iPhone(740 songs) and about 9 times out of 10 the song I wanted to hear will be selected . “Wow that’s a connection” I’ll think. So now the universe is speaking to me through the songs as they play.
Next I’ll begin to have a pattern to my speech. Not only will I begin to speak faster but I’ll speak in riddles, rhymes and beats. I become the Dr Seuss of bipolar rhyming. And every word is profound and perfect. Why? “But of course” because its coming from me. I think to myself “it’s the nuggets of wisdom that fall from my mind, it’s the words that escape you that somehow I find” kinda stuff.
Then my sense of good judgement starts to breakdown and fail me. I’ll spend money on stuff that I normally would never do under sound mind.
Then I continue to fall faster into the rabbit hole.
Finally numbers come into play. I’m a 0101 baby, born January 1st! Alas I’m binary! And that ignites the magic around me. Things come to life and meaning can be found anywhere I look especially in numbers. Meaning to what? Meaning to life! How I can save the world! Wait I can’t even save myself.
I put it back outside later. Now I’m the queen of the bees! Or at least for the time being this seems to be the case.
Next lets take life on a dangerous dare! I get into my car, decide at 7:00 am to go back home 2 hours away. But I’m gonna make it there in 1 hour & 15 minutes. Why? Well I can drive with such precision and ease when I’m super human. So much so that speeds of 100 miles an hour is achievable once my mind, my body and the road, adapt to my driving style. Which I proceed to drive the entire way home at speeds between 90 to 100 miles an hour. Can’t let that speedometer not be on my lucky number!! 0101 my birthday, the encrypted magical message. thinks to myself “Must keep achieving speed of 101! I can do it!” And I did. Thank God I’m alive to recall this to you, and that no one was killed