~Senseless~

I don’t sense him anymore

Suppose it’s ok 

I don’t know….. should I wish him well

Or wish him hell

He was senseless

Without perceptive instinct

Without skill

Just schooled

By an example

Of a senseless clergyman 

Who happened to be his father

His pastor

His terror 

His personal hell

His pride will never let him tell

I tell myself it’s ok

But it’s really not

It’s a place

It’s a space

Dear Darlin

With your empty white face

Dark raven hair

I’ll watch turn white

I always will keep you in sight

Empty deep inside 

I tell myself it’s ok all is well

Suppose part of me wishes him hell

He sure hurt

Cutting me

Spinning a spell 

Sexuality can transfer at great distance it’s the law of Ra

Feeling them….touching them

On a astronomical 

Astral projection

Yet we don’t meet there

Not now been awhile

All the feeling captivated me

I had to find protection

From the powerful energy

Crossing the distance 

Telepathy

esotericism 

Lights glow inside you

Prisms that reach

You don’t explore this 

Unless you can teach

Yet here in this new place

There is a separation

The connection broken

Yet I know he watches me 

But I don’t sense him 

He acted senselessly 

This was the slight

The wrong that can never be right

I don’t sense him

Not as I used to do

Not like I once took comfort in

Knowing that we loved

But the timing was so far off

So far apart

But we carried each other in our heart

I used to feel that 

The holding on the never to part 

He is quiet or is it me

My vision clouded 

So uncertain 

So much change

So much my life I rearranged 

I feel a numbness inexplicable 

Loss 

He thinks I pop up and in

Then I exit out

But truly we both do

It’s what keeps us alive

What has kept us true 

I dreamt of him last night

Actually the two

One was you

The other far over the sea

In a desert

Where Knights in white Satin

And Sheiks and Sultans reign 

In the dream A man almost insane 

Mouth of madness now made sense A man from the desert finally 

Took claim and spoke the truth

Of your ruthless youth

Finally told me of his part

That you played 

That he allowed

Before exiting and leaving me nailed to a cross

Judas Iscariot he said was he, as he handed me over to you 

You see

Last words to spill from his lips that I can still hear

Last time I heard A man like him

In my ear in my heart

Yet he handed me over to you

Last night he came to the dream
To let me know 

Why he stayed watching

After the huge demise

My crash my fall

You wanted it to hurt

To see me crawl

Then your regret set in

And the Desert man watched

Trying to see if I truly was as strong as he was told

He got on the bus with his daughter in the dream 
I didn’t want him to leave 

It had been so long ago he deceived 

Yet I waved goodbye

Evermore a cousin in devious disguise 

Why was it he always wanted my demise? Wanted to be me, sorry dear you’re a man can’t you see?

Where are you? 

Don’t ever think you are beyond my reach

My voice loudly ringing 

Long into your eternity

On air ways

On realms

On dimensions

hill tops

Heavens

Hells

I stand tall now

But I don’t sense him

Yet he is there subdued

Watching 

Wondering 

What my renegade personality

Will yield

On a battle field

A front line where I stand

Where I fight a cause

Where I’ll will always feel the loss

That you caused 

I don’t sense you

So

What

Now? 

This was all senseless?

Just a joke?

I dare not entertain

That your that dumb 

Even in the senseless game 

Now callout to me say my name

My words carry weight 

And repercussions too

So I snapped of the tip of my tongue

It is no longer there

Better stay quiet

Better beware

Don’t take the dare

Using dark arts I was taught 

Oh dear Mom

If you only knew

You would act with swift spell

Casting them down straight 

To their hell

So senseless 

This tragic story

I tell

I don’t sense him

So senseless……

In my enchanted garden I will play

I’ll find him there some sunny day

Long from now and he will stay

To lay next to me under the stars under the witness tree may we ever be

But I long to remind him to never be unkind

So senseless …. never again

One thought on “~Senseless~

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